Tsun-army hits Penarth Pier 17/01/26
Heads were turned this morning when the sands of Penarth Beach pulled back to reveal a jaw-dropping array of nuclear armaments. Thankfully, it wasn't activated in a drill, or a false alarm- The US navy, known colloquially as the Tsun-army, made its Penarth debut on the shores of the small Welsh town earlier today.
Penarth was recently placed at a low risk of such attacks due to its developed defence force, including weather manipulation, nuclear armaments, and optical illusions (invisibility).
“
They likely had a man on the inside, in order to surmount our aggregation of technology.
”
- PPD informant
The Penarth Police Department hypothesize that this attack was the culmination of a long running Americampaign to occupy Penarth, a small Welsh town. Granted, the risk level was always at a comfortable summer grass green and never even came close to stop sign red or lemonzest yellow.
The PPD also revealed that she saw a passerby, who would prefer to remain anonymous, who revealed the nuclear armaments without the permission of any red-tape diplomats and proceeded to determine a compromise with the monsters himself.
Thanks to this Welsh patriot, the Tsun-army was instructed to leave lest the entire world immediately be destroyed.
Tremendous triumph or short-lived success?
Following their retreat, life on the Pier returned to normal. The Penarth population seemed disinterested in the incident after all.
“
Amerinavy? I hope next time they bring Ameriburgers!
”
- Anonymous
“
Shoulda brought fireworks or smthns
”
- Señor Bagelo
“
No I knew this was happeining, I know this
”
- Anonymous
One unnamed individual carried a distinct dislike of the apparent apathy surrounding the awful attack on Penarth Pier.
My whole life, people have been beating down on me for not having a name. But I hope we can all come together in that this display of power by the US is simply unnecessary.
They're jealous of our power, our spirit, and our culture, and threatening to conquer us like we're in the middle ages won't make us back down.
Whatever war general or Ameripresident it was that ordered the attack- You've clearly never been to Penarth. The more the merrier! Besides, we might teach you a thing or two.
The Penarth Hooter inquired recently with its team of political scientists to confirm that this incident was unlikely to provoke further activity from the Americountry. The results are displayed below:
Zooming out from our infographic revealed the following extra text;
The findings of the infographic were troubling to our researchers- An investigation has been launched into Herbert L. Hooberstank, on which we plan to keep our readers up-to-date.