Teen creates art game to protest misuse of Penarth's funding 27/04/26

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To demonstrate something or other some idiot put together a computer game. What were they thinking?

With provision from the author, the Penarth Hooter presents "A normal day in Penarth".

Trigger warning: This game sucks. We actually emailed it around the office and laughed at how bad it was. As such we recommend that you skip it.

A sit down with the stupid creator

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I wait in a café, working on a laptop. I have scheduled an interview with a teenager. He enters - Hereford Varne-Doust is a small, diminutive man. Feminine in stature, skinny. Can't fuck. He orders a watermelon iced tea, on the rocks (diddy coded drink). We begin to speak.



MW: Hereford. It's nice to finally meet you.
HV: It's nice to be with you, Marion.
MW: I'll bet. How does it feel to have made a game which contains no true information?
HV: Well, it's not false. It's all true. [ ... ] I don't know what you mean. It's all based on real stuff which happens in Penarth. We did actually lose a charity shop this year. This is actually true.
MW: There are some hints in the game that the deuteragonist has suffered parental abandonment.
HV: Yeah, I-
MW: That wasn't a question. Next, I just wanted to say you created a horrible little hatchet piece video game, with no gameplay. Do you think it will win any awards?
HV: Well, it's the kind of game the Penarth Embassy can crush with its little finger. It won't get far, and it won't reach the people it's about. But if it can motivate more youths to mobilize against the state, it will have all been worth it.
MW: Please stop dodging the question.
HV: I do not think the game will win any awards.
MW: Not even a BAFTA?
HV: No.
MW: Then why did you make it? There are some who say that you only put it together to stroke your own ego, not out of red blooded bulldog-style hope for a BAFTA. Is that true?
HV: Let's move onto another question.
MW: Alright. Because this is an art game, most of it is words and reading but at the end there's a bit with some numbers in it representing something about the government. Can you speak to that? Why did you include the numbers?

Varne-Doust's response to this question contained profanity, which is forbidden by internet law.
MW: This interview... Wow. This interview is over. Thank you Hereford.
HV: Marion, always a pleasure.

Clearly, making an art game is not only easy, but if a silly bollocks like Harvey Varvey can do it, anybody can!

By Marion Whiffy

What did you think of Hermin Vermin's project? Tell us in the comment.

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