Penarth commerce under attack from strange new prank 02/01/26
A new unsavoury prank has taken the commerce minds of Penarth by surprise. A whoopee cushion is a standard office giggle- But this novel variety thereof has mangled our society.
Silly or sinister?
Multiple local commercial events have been brought to a eerie stop by a new kind of whoopee cushion that says the Personal Identification Number (PIN) of whoever sits on it. Recovered models have shown that they are preprogrammed with the PIN of a known victim and then laid in an appropriate spot.
The prank has proven itself as a deterrent to local business. Since the PIN cushion's debut, Penarth's GDP estimates have fallen by £50,000.
Penarth Police Department has issued a statement clarifying that, while little is known behind the impacts of the incidents, they have concluded that the culprit is a single individual with a rampant hatred for Penarth and its people.
“
We struggle to even imagine one man like that so there probably aren't two of them
”
- Anonymous PPD informant
A local victim
Penarth businessman, Gerald Zinger, recently hosted some clients at his Penarth holiday home. The gentleman was in talks to purchase social media conglomerate Buzzfeed and to take on CEO responsibilities- He promised more Penarth based content and hoped to direct its struggling workforce into a more lucrative and modern direction.
Zinger recalled a "sinking feeling" when he heard that familiar squeak of a whoopee cushion, along with much-expected giggles.
“
It was a victory lap. We thought nothing could go wrong.
”
- G Zinger
What he didn't expect was for the amusing airsac to mumble out his PIN number, one digit at a time, loud and slow enough for everyone in the room to understand. Zinger recalls:
“
Returned me to my boyhood, that. I quite think I wasn't ready to go back.
”
- Gerald Zinger
The ordeal cost Gerald his living. Not 9 minutes after the reveal his bank account had been completely drained and his investment portfolio had been fully cashed out- Zinger continued to tell us that included in that bank account was the first pound he ever earnt, delivering newspapers to the patriots of his childhood white-picket-fence small town, where he grew up, in Britain, where he ate fish and chips and prayed, back when men were men.
“
It was all well funny until I heard my PIN number. I told them that's what it was and not to use it.
”
- G. Zinger
Gerald maintains that this episode was not an accident but in fact a premediated attempt on his business. "You don't make it this far without a few enemies", he reminded us. Despite the businessman's accusations that the culprit would be someone familiar to him, Penarth Police Department have not yet procured relevant evidence from the scene that may indicate this
The Penarth Hooter is investigating this topic, and as such, some of the information here may eventually prove not to be true.