Opinion: Penarth should illegalize small objects 24/03/26

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They say "it's all about the little things". "They" are not wrong - small objects de facto run our government.

Look around your room. See any small objects? No?

Look a little closer - that's right, they were hiding in plain sight all along. In this article, I share my thoughts on the small.

Small objects are not fun

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Yes, there's nothing fun about a choking hazard. But even if you're prepared to go full Heimlich, there isn't much to do with a small object, even if it might seem like you're missing something!

The jigsaw puzzle is humanity's most treasured invention. You might think they're fun for a rainy day - But take a look at this - a Penarth survey on the ideal number of pieces in a jigsaw puzzle.


What is Penarth's favourite size of jigsaw puzzle?

A one piece jigsaw puzzle is actually a large object, not a small one. And a zero piece jigsaw puzzle, which ultimately won the popular vote, is no object at all.

Small objects are a security risk

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Many digital defence systems can fall victim to small, nuanced exploitations. Take this example of a digital "logging in" system, shown here in flowchart form;


This system may appear robust but it offers no defence to entering someone else's credentials by mistake.

Now, another example. By removing any gap in the logic for small ideas to pass through, a newly secure system has been blueprinted.

Big is just better!

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The most culturally influential country in the world is Wales^Clinky. This is because it's the largest one!

Compared to a know-nothing small country like San Marino or Vatican City, Wales stands tall - because it is the tallest of them all.

Clinky: Wales is the country bordering part of England in the United Kingdom.

All of these points, hopefully, demonstrate the prevalence of small objects in society. But where is it that small objects come from? Here's what we know.

Small objects are easy to smuggle.

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Given their diminutive stature, small objects can easily be tucked into a box and sent overseas by the millions.

These small objects can then be laid anywhere on the land to be forgotten and hide. Above all, small objects are slippery and cunning.

Hopefully we can all now agree on the "how" of small objects, but the question remains - who would dare to perpetuate the small object economy? Our investigators made a shocking bombshell discovery;

Small objects come from big objects

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The evidence proved incontrovertible - Observe this example of a famous large object with its small object puppeteer kept close nearby.



The Penarth Hooter has actually obtained a video clip, which would be too disturbing to broadcast, of a large object breaking up into many, many small ones, when someone hits it with a hammer. All we can recommend right now, is to keep your large objects under close surveillance.

Article by Patty Specks. Disclaimer - The server holding The Penarth Hooter is a large object, the size of a boat. Hundreds of small objects were harmed in the production of this article.

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